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Join me in figuring out "what now?"

Quora asks “What is the Most Horrible Thing in the World?”

on 14 April, 2018

I started this blog about 7 or 8 years ago as I found myself hitting the “50” milestone. Up to this point things had been pretty good – not without blood, sweat and lots of tears, but in the end, at that point things were pretty great.

The original blog had this photo as the header:

whatnowheader1.jpg

This was taken while we were on a trip to Mount Rushmore, Streeter driving real highways and interstate after just getting his driver’s license. The road was clear and the weather couldn’t have been better and we were singing to the radio and really have a super great day.

Then from out of nowhere and you can see there is no where there, a cop snapped on his sirens and pulled us over. Not only did he give Streeter a speeding ticket (going 60 in a 50 zone) which made his license provisional until 18 – but threatened to arrest me for “adding to the delinquency to a minor” after attempting to explain that I thought it was okay to go a little faster than the speed limit and our joy getting the best of us. I snapped the photo thinking I would protest the ticket later  (Nebraska btw) but then decided to use it as the original header to this blog, which was supposed to be about where I was going with the rest of my life.IMG_1123

Little did I know that I would lose him just six short years later.

I wanted to give you a little background on what this entry was supposed to be all about. See, I was sent to a psychiatric hospital where for a week I wouldn’t come out of the room. When they finally told me the only way to get discharged was to participate in group therapies, I relented.

I sat in this room with the most pitiful people I had ever met. The two worst cases were a 72 year old man whose was grieving the passing of his parents ten years ago. The other was this woman who was just ‘sad’ (her word not mine) and that a second cousin had died a few months before and her dog died last month.

I was aghast. What could these people know of me finding my only son that I walked through fire to be able to give birth, was dead. That I simply, too, was dead yet my heart wouldn’t stop beating. I knew that group would never work for me. How many people are there in the world that had lost only children that were the result of infertility treatments that committed suicide? Right now it seems to be a very exclusive club of one.

This post was prompted by a question on Quora: “What is the most horrible thing in the world?”

The first post was written (written well, I might add) about a young girl who gets out of bed and puts her feet on a cold floor and makes her way to the kitchen to find that she had no milk. End of answer. The “most horrible thing in the world?”

Here was my answer:

What is the most horrible thing in the world?

MacCupcake


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