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Can I Really Be Getting Better?

on 27 February, 2016

So, just past the five- and three-week marks for the knee surgeries. I *think* that I am finally feeling a little better. I had a minor meltdown last week when the pharmacy decided that I’ve been getting just a few too many pain meds and so had to meet with two of my doctors to figure things out. I swear I was convinced that something was wrong with the right knee (the newer of the two) but doc number two did x-rays and his professional opinion was that they were “perfect”.

Still, I am reminded almost constantly that major stuff just happened. I will have that ever-so-brief moment when I wake up in the middle of the night having to go to the bathroom and finding that very first move to be excruciating. Like having a lighting bolt shoot from my knee down to my toes and from the knee up to my waist. I parked the walker in the living room though and have been getting by holding onto furniture and the walls though and taking tiny baby steps for the past week or so.

Monday I begin the second round of physical therapy. Here’s where the conflict between what the body is saying and what I am being told drastically differs. The PT is vital to recovery and if I want to walk without a limp. Babying these muscles is not the right answer. But holy crap in a basket does it hurt for hours and hours following a PT session. Pushing the muscles, even a degree, seems like the totally wrongest thing to do and I am pushing back with the strength of a hurricane. There is such a difference between what the heart says is the right thing and the pain receptors think.

Got the first surgical bill this past week. Nearly made me pass out. Even worse when I realized that it is only the first of two and of course there are a ton of other charges still coming – from the doctors, the physical therapists, the medicines etc.; somehow though I did get lucky with some real kick-ass health insurance and my portion is just a fraction. But a fraction is still a nice chunk of change, especially considering that I haven’t worked in more than a year now.

I’ve been getting to the point of boredom and frustration more quickly lately, which again, tells me that I must be healing. Still not up to the point of working on any projects, not even those I was sure I would be sailing through. I had set up a hand quilt frame to complete the quilting on an antique quilt I rescued from an abandoned farm house, but alas, I didn’t do it correctly and I don’t have the dexterity to undo the safety pin basting so that I can re-do it right. I’ve pretty much done only a bit of coloring as I watch television and fade in and out of wakefulness. There is this great new wave of “adult coloring” lately and I invested in this great set of gel pens that includes glitter, fading and just a huge selection of colors. Here are a couple of the canvases that I’ve completed lately:

Okay, that’s it for the update. Updates are slower as my laptop battery died and so I have to try to either write posts on my iPad or wobble into the office and use the desktop. Just one more thing sitting and waiting for future income to address, like the fact that I’ve broken two throatplates on two of my three sewing machines (making them unusable). The list continues to grow every day of the projects piling up that require income and I am still at least two or three good weeks away from even thinking about going back to work. Sigh.



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