haven’t written here much. Or lately. Or enough.
The reason I wanted to do this blog – as opposed to my creative blog which gets ten times the attention and a hundred times the posts – for a special reason. To try and figure out what my life is supposed to be about now that I am essentially done with the building of a career, the raising of my son and living and learning about life. Sometimes it feels like I don’t have a purpose and any purpose I do come up with, is fleeting and unimportant.
I am watching a movie tonight – the specific movie is not important – just its message. There have been times in history for people to make a mark. A difference. A change. Many times in history for many people. I don’t know if that is true for most people over the centuries. I mean, how many people can really be ‘memorable’ in the course of history? Even many people who did make a difference – a real difference – aren’t celebrated or revered or even remembered!
I really don’t want to be cliché, as I suspect that I won’t be remembered by many. My son mostly. But within his lifetime, the memory of me will disappear even from him. I heard it once said that as long as we’re remembered, we won’t disappear. But it doesn’t take much or long to be forgotten.
There have been times in my life that I felt like I wanted to make a difference. Ideological, I suppose, to think that I could. Possibly arrogant and smug. Who am I anyway?
I have told my son that when I die, I don’t want him to tell anyone. No announcements in the paper, no online obituary, no notifications to anyone. I don’t want a funeral nor do I want a someone to say words over me. Without any ceremony, I have asked The Kid to have me cremated and then take me to some place in this world that he has always wanted to go and throw my ashes to the wind or water. And then, every now and then as his life allows, he can come back to that place, hopefully one that he loves and honor me.
Did I ever mention that when the Ebola crisis was in full swing in West Africa that I gave serious consideration to going and helping? I reached out to a couple of places, but the problem always was that I didn’t have any technical or medical training that really would have allowed me to contribute in any significant way. In fact, I was told that I would be more hindrance than helpful as I would require someone’s assistance in just understanding the language and the geography and of course my physical condition isn’t really conducive to getting around. About the only real way that I could help was to donate money to the cause. Because, in the end, I wasn’t helpful to anyone.
I’ve seen a few too many World War II movies lately. But I think that was the last time that ordinary people had an opportunity to make a difference. However small or however limited. Is this common? Does everyone want to or believe that they can make a difference in this world? Can anyone really? When you’re talking about seven billion people, what is the life of one person worth?
Have you thought about it?