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An Ending To A Great Week and Other Musings

on 10 August, 2014

So, if you haven’t heard the news, I started a new job last Friday. I ended up getting a week off between the last job and this new one. Finally, for a change, I was the one who was pursued and it felt pretty damned good. I received a pretty healthy bump in pay, no $5 an hour on this one! And best yet, I have a Mac PowerBook, an iPhone and an iPad to do testing with! Yay! You cannot imagine how happy I am about this awesome turn of events.

I have, once again, been terrible about writing in this blog – actually both my blogs (if you’re interested in seeing my creative musings, please head over to OnMyCreativeSide blog). I’ve been using what little free time I have trying to finish my garage makeover, to be better able to use the space I have in my garage to share both my vehicles and be a space for working my crafts. I do a fair amount of large work – dressers, cabinets, desks and dollhouses – and have a nice little array of tools that tend to take up space (and make a mess) and leave me nowhere to park my cars inside. Well, it is being chronicled on my other blog, although until I actually make a real effort to complete it, the writing won’t be finished either.

I’ve been experiencing some symptoms of menopause lately, most notable a thing often referred to as “hot flashes”. Mine seem to be anything but a “flash” and rarely “hot”, but rather minutes of terse sweating like I’ve never known before. I can be reduced to looking like I stepped out of shower fully clothed, my hair soaking wet. This is not the kind of thing that I care to have happen at work, much less anywhere else.

The worst is the realization that my love life has come to a screeching halt. It isn’t that I don’t want to or that I cannot, it is just that with age and the menopause and two bad knees, the prospects are few and far between. If someone were to know that the last time you opt for a little love making was the last time, would you make a more special effort? Make it somehow more memorable and something to be cherished and looked back upon. How does one know when the last time is the last time? At least, for me, it wasn’t the last sour relationship that I had, but a friend who someone was there when he was needed.

Something in me still yearns for something new, something better, something adventurous. Nothing really keeps me tethered to this particular place and there is more than a little gnawing that makes me want to liquidate most of my belongings and head somewhere new and unknown, waiting to be explored and meet new people and friends and where I could start the last stage of my life. More than anything, I think, is the desire to learn something new. I have become much to complacent and accustomed to routine and route that I believe this must be the kind of life that eventually leads to slow and torturous death. I liken this state to the last few years that my parents experienced, a bit like waiting for each day to pass just to greet the next day with the same apathy.

I have in the back of my mind to give learning to speak German another honest try. I think that once I stop learning and challenging myself, is when I get the most yearning to seek out new adventures. My new place of employment is once again, very close to Longview College, where I took my last language class. It might at least temporarily satisfy my longing and wistful nature.

The other thing that I have driving me forward is a long laundry list of improvements and upkeep to the house, including painting the house and building a new, more elegant deck across the back of the house. I’d like to do a bit more landscaping in the back, as well, including planting a tree for Ashla, our forever puppy we lost around Christmas last year. A small tree grew in the rocks in front of the house and I have transplanted it and will nurture it until it is a little more set, sometime later this fall. It will be planted along with Ashla’s ashes and puppy print shaped stepping stones in the back yard. Neither The Kid nor I can bring ourselves to bring another dog into the house, way too much like trying to replace her. The house is definitely more quiet and less affectionate with her being gone.

Weekends just seem to last but a few minutes lately… so I’ll not dally more.MacCupcake

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