My Blog

Join me in figuring out "what now?"

Any Where But Here?

on 18 March, 2014

Okay, so there is something not sitting right with me these days. My job ended a couple of weeks ago and I thought I would try and get in my time off before I started working again, but I don’t seem to have any energy or drive to start the job hunting process. I only have half hearted enthusiasm for any of my creative work, which is what has always driven me. Doesn’t help that the weather isn’t all that good, hovering around the 50 degree mark for the past week or so. Not warm enough to really want to do anything outside (or even in the garage) but not cold enough to really keep me indoors. I think that this particular weather is doing a number on my arthritis in my knees but it is counterproductive to just sit all day.

I haven’t written or posted anything in days on either blog. None of the projects that I have finished are selling – hell, not even getting any interest – and nothing listed on eBay is selling either. I have that dollhouse and wardrobe filling up my entry way and I am sick of walking around all the packing and boxing. I feel like just putting everything away and giving away everything so that I can make a clean start. Not that I am overly optimistic about having any real effect on how I am feeling.

I can’t even find anything really worth watching either. I am watching Six Feet Under – which honestly, I believed was going to be a comedy but is completely not!sfu-1024x831

Its not a bad show, but it certainly is not of the caliber of True Detective or House of Cards. Those kinds of shows are so few and far in between. I wish I could do something like that, write well. I keep feeling like I have the opportunity here to start the second half of my life, but just don’t know how to go about it.

Which brings me back around to this blog. I started writing it – about 300 posts ago – as a way to analyze what I could do, where I could go, what I could become in the second half of my life. I never seem to look that far ahead, rather diverting my attention to the short term and the right now. Even all of my enthusiasm about moving to Europe has waned and I don’t even have any consideration for it in my peripheral. Its almost like I’ve all the options in the world and it is too overwhelming to even contemplate. So, instead, I do nothing.

I don’t know why I get to this point, seems to happen regularly about every 7 – 10 years. The move to Phoenix and then again to L.A. Then to San Jose and then to K.C. Its almost like I don’t know what to do when I don’t have organizing or packing/unpacking or exploring a new city or something that needs to be done. All of the creative endeavors that I have taken on have been pretty successful. It is either that or I simply stopped trying. Can’t fail if you don’t try, right?

So, here I am. Going to take the rest of the week off, I think. I am going to dwell on what I should be doing and not, and not be doing what I should. It’s sorta a plan, isn’t it?

MacCupcake

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One response to “Any Where But Here?

  1. Six Feet Under is one of the greatest programmes made! I found it gets under my skin and some of it is now in my psyche forever.

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